Do You Want to Be Right or Be Happy?
This is a post from Judith’s archives.
The saying “You can be right, or you can be happy” takes on new meaning when you look through the lens of allowing yourself to be open to something even better. A recent client conveyed that she’d gotten a new job since the last time we spoke. It was her dream job. She went on to say that while the work was similar to her previous job, the new environment was her dream company culture.
What made it so dreamy? She could be herself. And the company truly wanted to know what her thoughts were. They specifically said they don’t want people to just agree. They are looking for people to dissent. (Her word.) And her experience is that they truly value her opinions even when they are different.
Dissent is a new way of looking at work. Dissent does not have to mean an argument. It can simply be a discussion with different points of view. All too often, when people do object, propose, protest, or disagree with others, they are faced with pushback. Where does this resistance come from?
In reality, it is a point of view from a scared and fearful place. For some reason, the person feels attacked by the new idea, which causes them to resist, defend, guard, or preserve his position...even if it doesn’t make sense. It’s more important to be right and not seen as wrong, so his heels dig in to protect his point of view.
In an effort to control things, people tend to lock down on their beliefs, thoughts, feelings, perspectives, opinions, etc. They think that the control will create safety and security.
And what if it could be different?
Too often we are in our own way because we are stuck and rigid in our thinking. When you add a little flexibility, something you hadn’t thought of before can come forward. And this may be the exact solution you were looking for.
We can each influence our own thinking without having to control everything. What you think, feel, and do are all choices. And it’s you who gets to make the choices for your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Open Yourself to Allowing
To start, take a deep breath and exhale. Stop and ask yourself some of the following questions to open yourself up to new possibilities:
Are you willing to let go of resisting and reacting, defending and fighting?
Could you allow it to be something even better than you think it is?
What if it could be even better than that?
And what if it was different?
In what ways does this benefit you or others?
If it could be something different, what might it be?
And when someone “attacks” you with a new idea, stop and pause. Respond with a big smile. “Thank you for that idea. It’s interesting. Let me ponder it.” It’s best if you have a few sentences in your back pocket so that you can see the “attack” as a window of opportunity. This will allow you to respond instead of react.
You have all the influence you need within your own choices. You can start dissenting within yourself. Give yourself the space to think differently. Even if you aren’t in conflict with others, give yourself permission to be open to new ideas and perspectives. When you do, the best can step forward.
Once you let yourself be open to new ways of thinking, the world will seem brighter with more possibilities and opportunities. It’s up to you, yes it’s your choice, if you want to hold on to "being right" or if you are willing to be happy.
