Halt Blaming and Shaming
Have you ever done or said something, changed your mind, and grown into a new perspective?
Have you ever been blamed for something you didn’t do?
Have you ever been verbally attacked because someone else was having a bad day?
Blame and shame is low vibe. Period. And as you know, when you are low vibe things show up as more difficult to do. It takes more effort.
And when you are high vibe, life has more ease. The logical conclusion is to stop the blaming and shaming if you want to be high vibe and claim your power.
For example, if you are at a restaurant, in a hurry and your order is taking a long time. It’s very easy to blame the waiter. If you do this in your own mind or out loud, you are still affected by the low vibe you have just created.
How to Stop Blaming and Shaming:
Acknowledge that YOU contributed to the situation by being in a hurry and fearing that you wouldn’t be on time. It’s your fear that ignited the shaming and blaming. And what you fear is what you bring in. Because of your focus on not having it, you are actually focusing on it (even if it’s subconscious).
Be kind to yourself and others. Forgive yourself. You had a momentary lapse in vibration. (You may even choose to apologize to the waiter. Kindness goes a long way.)
Shift your focus to what you are grateful for about the situation. You have food coming. You have the finances to pay for it. You are sitting in a building with heat, air conditioning, running water, and so on. You have someone waiting on you. Afterall, what you focus on is what you get.
But what happens when others blame and shame you?
Blame and shame are still low vibe when others do it and aim it at you. However, you will not be affected by it when you don’t have a button to push about the topic. When you decide to be high vibe no matter what, as I did, you will be able to live in the space of allowance and not have things bother you.
If you have ever been around kids (or if you’ve ever been one), you know that kids are really good at pushing our buttons. If we are bothered by something, they will find it and somehow irritate us. It may be a comment, action or even just a look.
Here’s the thing. If you don’t have the button to push, whatever they say won’t bother you. And chances are, if you don’t have the button, you won’t even attract the comment in the first place. That’s how vibration works. You attract things and experiences that match the vibe you are giving off.
Don’t let others knock you out of your high vibe with their behavior. It’s your choice to be high vibe and it’s your choice to stay high vibe. When you do get knocked out, neutralize the button so you can get back to high vibe.
How to Neutralize a Button:
Acknowledge that there is a button. Acknowledge that you’re triggered. It’s you that is bothered. Therefore, it’s you who gets to change it. If you know what the button is, great. If not, try journaling (or talking with a coach). Something is triggering you. What is the common denominator of those things that trigger you? There is probably a button in there.
Be kind to yourself and others. Forgive yourself for having the button.
Shift your focus.
a. Stop reinforcing the story. Don’t talk about it over and over. Stop giving it power.
b. Remove the emotional tags. Many different techniques can be used here. A simple one is to imagine (and feel) a happy, joyful time in your life. Then refocus on a button that has been triggered. Put all the what ifs in this image. Feel it. Go back and forth between the images by shifting your focus. It’s more than just looking at them. Feel them. The longer you spend in the joyful image feeling great, the less the other one has a hold on you. It’s important to shift your focus back and forth multiple times for this to work.
As you can see, it doesn’t matter if you initiate the shame and blame or someone else directs it at you, the solution is the same. Acknowledgment. Kindness. Re-focus.
Stay High Vibe. When you are high vibe (such as when you are imagining the joyful time), the low vibes (the buttons or fears) melt away. And when this happens, new opportunities present themselves. And coincidentally, the people who are doing the shaming and blaming seem to leave you alone. You are no longer in resonance with them, so they (and their shaming and blaming) don’t show up in your life experiences.
High Vibe wins.
For more tips and techniques, watch my micro-mini workshops below.